Only not quite that kind of "psycho" and not quite that kind of "Sexual"

Posts tagged queer

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I’m starting to get instantly angry every time somebody equates the queer movement with the idea that it’s all about the LOVE. Only romantic love, naturally. *rolls eyes*

The queer movement can be so much more than some shitty ‘same love’ soundbite. When people only emphasize the idea of trying to fit into some ideal romantic, monogamous relationship, they ignore the potential for queer people to question the underlying assumptions of heteronormativity, amatonormativity and gender stereotypes. Surely we can do better than trying to mimic straight romantic relationships?

I don’t talk about my own orientation on this blog a lot, but as someone who identifies as both aromantic and gay it really irritates me when people act like being gay/queer is ONLY ever about love. It can be for some people, yes, but saying that it always is totally erases aromantic gay/queer people.

As well as anyone else with mixed orientations. Can’t imagine how confusing it must be for those who aren’t aware of that concept & try to embrace their romantic side (if they have one) yet probably struggle with having completely different sexual desires. 

Filed under LGBTQIA LGBT Rights queer questioning

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I feel kinda bad for posting another coming out journal


I’m afraid people will think I’m fickle. 


Okay so I was half lying about being bi. Basically the bi part is true, the sexual part isn’t. 

Yes, I’ve made up my mind on this. I’m a Biromantic Asexual. 

I’m actually really relieved to say this publicly, because I think it’ll save a lot of people I know from having unrealistic expectations. 

I was in denial for a long time, because like a lot of people I thought asexuality meant being completely adverse to any kind of intimacy with another human being, which I am not. That is not true. You can be asexual and still have romantic affections. Asexuality is simply a lack of a sex drive. So you can still kiss and be intimate, but you don’t have sexual thoughts or get turned on thinking about sex. 

(The next part is a bit TMI so it’s behind a thing.)

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Just wanted to say that lack of sexual attraction to people & lack of sex drive are 2 different things. Asexuals can still have a sex drive & can still be turned on by sexual activity or stimulation, but not by any individuals since we don’t find anyone sexy. The lack of sex drive is nonlibidoism. Being a nonlibidoist isn’t necessarily unhealthy but it can be symptom of medical issues in some cases. I used to conflate the 2 for a while too. It’s funny, it sounds like my understanding of asexuality went the same exact way as you did.

(Source: clive-gershwin-palmer)

Filed under sexuality asexual nonlibidoist nonlibidoism bi biromantic queer turn on sex drive libido

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Southpaw: hiddenjumprope: metapianycist: New Movie Trailer About ‘Asexual’...



New Movie Trailer About ‘Asexual’ Character — The Olivia Experiment


Am I the only person who thinks the premise of the movie would be incredibly offensive if the main character was Gay or Lesbian?

Nope, you’re not the only person.

Ooo, check out this gem from their site: 

"But when her best friend and roommate comes out as gay, Olivia is forced to confront her repressed feelings for him and her issues about her own sexual identity.”

Great….This sounds just GREAT.

Filed under sexuality queer

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Brief thought about The Olivia Experiment


Link to trailer of film (no subtitles available)

It seems as if the premise of the movie is this:

Main character: “I think I’m asexual. I’m going to have sex for the first time, and if I don’t like it, I’m definitely asexual, and if I do like it, I’m definitely not.”

No, main character and/or filmmakers: your argument is invalid. Attraction is not behavior.


an asexual person who has had and enjoyed sexual activity with other people

Filed under ace asexual attraction behavior film misonception movie pleasure sexuality stereotype trailer orientation queer

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Asexual NYC: A Sunday Conversation on Asexuality



Where: Metropolitan Community Church of New York (446 West 36th St between 9th and 10th Ave in Manhattan)

When: Sunday, May 6th from 12:30-2:30 pm.

What: A fantastic and educational panel discussion on asexuality featuring three aces (including your two Asexual NYC moderators). We’ll be…

Metapianycist and I will be part of this. AND IT WILL BE FABULOUS. So if you’re in the NYC area you should so be there! <3

Filed under nyc new york sexuality asexual ace queer gsm knowledge learning Church manhattan minority education metro

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Sexuality spectrum

My very first blog entry! Why am I so nervous?  >_>

So I finally decided to put together & share a little something to try to help break down & differentiate the little details that make up human sexuality. I was motivated to do this mainly because of the confusion & misconceptions some people have about asexuality, but it goes on to much more than that (except with it’s relation to romance, that’s a whole other mess I’ll work on).

It isn’t perfect, but I think it covers the basics.


   Some people like to believe that you are either simply gay or straight, that you must have a libido and that feeling dictates your behavior or vice versa. But being the complex beings that we are, we can not be boxed-in in such a simplified way and expect it to be an accurate portrayal of how we function or experience certain aspects of life. The truth is human sexuality is ridiculously complicated (even more more so when taking romantic attraction into account) and may even appear paradoxical on the surface in some people. Because of this, many people struggle with finding their sexual identity or to simply understand their own feelings.

  This little document will distinguish the detailed aspects of sexuality by displaying four distinct categories (sexual attraction, libido, attitude & behavior) & briefly describing said categories as well as a description for some of the terms used at the end of their respective segment. It also explains that while these categories & certain aspects may have some influence over each other, none of them dictate, restrict or are wholly dependent on one another. 


  •    Sexual attraction

Instinctively finding an individual sexually appealing, ultimately making you feel or think something along the lines of “I’d tap that”; an individual automatically triggers cognitive sexual interest (sexual desire & intrusive sexual fantasies) and/or a physical sexual response (such as sex drive, sexual arousal or tingling in the genitals) due to their characteristics when sensing or thinking about them

Directional presence of attraction continuum

Testoronic sex——————-All sexes———————Estrogenic sex

 Androsexual                           Bisexual                    Gynosexual

N/A: physical sex of person is irrelevant - pansexual []

Directional absence of attraction continuum

Testoronic sex———————All sexes———————Estrogenic sex

Gynosexual                         Asexual                     Androsexual

Basis continuum


       1     2      3      4      5      6      7      8      9      10

N/A: no sexual attraction to individuals - asexual []

Mind-body response continuum 


       1      2       3       4       5       6       7       8       9       10

N/A: no sexual attraction to individuals - asexual []

Circumstance/frequency continuum


  Asexual                  Graysexual              Allosexual

Flexibility continuum 


    1     2      3      4      5      6      7      8      9      10

Sexual orientation - enduring pattern of presence or absence of sexual attraction toward individuals (based on feelings since, not behavior or sexual history which can be chosen or driven by other factors); the principles are fundamentally similar if not identical to that of romantic orientation, though it’s possible for both orientations to function independently of each other since they are based on different types of attraction

Androsexual - sexually attracted to people with testosteronic features, not sexually attracted to people with estrogenic features (heterosexuality in females, homosexuality in males)

Gynosexual - sexually attracted to people with estrogenic features, not sexually attracted to testosterone features (heterosexuality in males, homosexuality in females) 

Bisexual - sexually attracted to multiple sexes (may or may not have preference)

Pansexual - sexually attracted to individual regardless of their physical sex 

Asexual - not sexually attracted to members of any sex or gender; still capable of experiencing sexual pleasure, libido & being sexually active, but sexual interest cannot be instinctively directed toward any individual or triggered by their characteristics (just as females are to androsexuals & males to gynosexuals) 

Graysexual - someone whose experience of sexual attraction to others is consistently infrequent, limited to specific circumstances, weak or otherwise ambiguous; direction of attraction is not relevant (ex, andro-graysexual, bi-graysexual, etc)

Allosexual (“Sexual” most commonly used) - someone whose circumstance of experiencing sexual attraction to others is within society’s expectations; direction of attraction is not relevant

Mind-body response - how much experiencing sexual attraction leans more toward a cognitive or physical reaction; may or may not be dissonance 

Internally based - sexual attraction is mainly dependent on individual’s psychological qualities such as personality, mentality, quirks and culturally recognized gender expression

Externally based - sexual attraction is mainly dependent on individual’s physical qualities such as appearance, voice, smell, age and distinguishing characteristics of biological sex

Sexual fluidity - sexual orientation is somewhat prone to change

Sexual rigidity - sexual orientation remains consistent


  • Libido & body’s general sexual functioning

A general mental and/or physical interest in or craving for sexual activity or sexual stimulation. 

It can exist in people of all sexual orientations as it may or may not be directed toward anyone or anything specifically. Libido and sexual arousal are commonly expected to just be invoked by sensing or thinking about certain individuals mainly due to their characteristics (sexual orientation), but it can by triggered by other things and scenarios such as certain objects (fetish), observing/engaging in certain activity regardless of the individuals involved, stimulation of erogenous zones (even if the touch was never desired or consented) or may act up unexpectedly on it’s own. 

Sex drive frequency continuum


[] N/A: Nonlibidoist

Sex drive strength continuum


[] N/A: Nonlibidoist

Sex drive influence

Stimuli depedent——————————————-Spontaneous

     1     2     3     4     5     6     7     8     9     10

[] N/A: Nonlibidoist

Sexual motivation continuum


      1     2      3      4      5      6      7      8      9      10

General pleasurablilty from sexual contact (solo)


     1      2      3     4     5      6      7      8      9      10

[] Mixed feelings  [] N/A: Never masturbated

General pleasurablilty from sexual contact (partnered)


1      2      3      4      5      6      7      8      9      10

[] Mixed feelings  [] N/A: No sexual history

Sexual arousal - reflexive reaction to prepare the body for the possibility of sexual contact, such as vaginal lubrication and penile erection; response to or result of certain activity and/or stimulation of erogenous zones, often associated with sex drive

Sex drive - physical craving for sexual stimulation, the bodily counterpart to sexual motivation (though one can exist without the other), often associated with sexual arousal; may or may not be triggered by external influences

Nonlibidoism* - not having a sex drive

Libidoism - having a sex drive, regardless of it’s frequency, strength or circumstance of occurrence 

Sexual motivation - conscious interest in engaging in sexual activity or sexual stimulation, the mental counterpart to sex drive (though one can exist without the other); may be generalized or unconsciously directed 

Hyposexuality (or sexual apathy) - very little to no sexual motivation

Isosexuality - typical amount of sexual motivation 

Hypersexuality - excessive sexual motivation

* Nonlibidoism is sometimes seen as an inherent “side effect” of asexuality, which is not true and may even be potentially harmful to believe. Having a sex drive isn’t necessary to live a healthy, fulfilling life, but in some cases an unexpected change or complete lack of sex drive can be a symptom of a serious medical issue. Even if being a nonlibidoist is not distressing to you, it’s a good idea to see a doctor just to make sure that nothing else is going on.


  • Attitudes

One’s disposition about self or others engaging in sexual behavior. May have as much influence on sexual behavior or celibacy as much as sexual attraction or lack thereof. Not necessarily connected to one’s sexual orientation and is much more subject to change through experience. 

Personally having sex in general


[] Mixed feelings

Society having sex


[] Mixed feelings


Having experimental sex


   1      2       3       4       5       6       7       8       9       10

Sex-Negative - perceives expression of sexuality/sexual behavior as immoral or something best to be avoided

Sex-Neutral - no strong attitude about other’s expression of sexuality/sexual behavior or otherwise perceieves it as a generally neutral topic

Sex-Positive - perceives expression of sexuality/sexual behavior as something that is potentially positive as long as it is consensual 


  • Behavior 

Choices of engaging in or avoiding sexual activity. Behavior such as frequency of having sex and the physical sex of one’s sexual partners is often heavily influenced by sexual orientation for obvious reasons, but can be driven by a number of other things that does not necessarily negate one’s sexual identity such as:

- attitudes toward sex

- curiosity

- exploring one’s sexuality or comfort zone

- compromising with or pleasing romantic partner

- concealing true feelings

- following one’s own moral code

- survival/pressure

- looking for sexual pleasure disregarding who it’s from



      []           1     2      3      4      5      6      7      8      9      10



   1     2      3      4      5      6      7      8      9      10

N/A: doesn’t engage in partnered sexual activity - Celibate []

    Partner’s physical sex
Exclusively male———————————————Exclusively female

N/A: doesn’t engage in partnered sexual activity - Celibate []

Number of partners at a time 


Style preference 


     1     2      3      4      5      6      7      8      9      10

[] Switch


    1     2      3      4      5      6      7      8      9      10

[] Switch


     1     2      3      4      5      6      7      8      9      10

[] Switch

N/A: doesn’t engage in partnered sexual activity - Celibate []


I think I got a little too careless with the behavior aspect (some of it isn’t that relevant & I probably left out somethings worth putting in) but I think this can be overall useful.

So I think I got to everything I wanted to for now.

Anything that should be clarified or tweaked?

Filed under ace asexuality attitude attraction bisexual celibacy continuum desire gray A gyno hypersexuality hyposexuality identity introspection libido pansexual queer questioning sex drive sex-negative sex-positive behavior preferences complex