Posts tagged boyfriend
Posts tagged boyfriend
[Text: ”Maybe when you meet the right person, he/she will fix you.” asexualproblems.tumblr.com]
You know, I thought about this reply & it has some very disturbing implications when you think about it.
According to them, Mr/Ms Right is just about the “one” who ends up turning you on, who you want to have sex with, who makes you “normal”….but they say nothing about how they treat you as a person.
Lets say Alex here has never been sexually attracted to someone before. They know this, but doesn’t know anyone else like them even exists & may not be aware that it’s ok. So Alex is kind of worried about it explains this to someone & that someone gives them that line we just love hearing, “That will change when you meet the right person”. So Alex thinks “Ok, that makes sense…I guess.” Some time goes by & for whatever reason, be it sexual fluidity, “late blooming”, being grey - A or whatever, Alex does meet someone who they’re not only infatuated with, but also sexually attracted to. Even better, they find out this “Right” person’s feelings are mutual. So they decide to date & for a while it all seems to work out.
Of course Alex is thinking at this point that maybe it was true, maybe they just really needed the “right” person for their feelings to change….but then it slowly starts to dawn on them that Mr/Ms Right is actually a very manipulative/abusive/control freak of a partner. By the time Alex realizes how bad it is, they have no idea how to get out of it. And to make things worse, the “right” person over here knows the impact they have on Alex….
“You can’t leave me, I’m the one who made you normal……you’d be a freak of nature if it wasn’t for me….you would just be a waste of flesh. I’m the one who fixed you..”
Maybe it is unlikely that a scenario like this will happen, but I see no reason why it can’t.
You know something is wrong when what makes the “right person” just that has nothing to do with how they treat you, but rather is defined by the fact you must be sexually drawn to them. I’m sure they didn’t mean it, I’m positive it didn’t even cross their minds when they said it….partially because nobody likes to think about it, but it sounds like being “fixed” is more important than having a sense of self-worth, security & an overall healthy, functional relationship….even if that relationship meant no sex.