PsychoSexual

Only not quite that kind of "psycho" and not quite that kind of "Sexual"

Posts tagged attraction

11 notes

metapianycist:

Sometimes I question my aromantic-spectrum identity for the reason that I have no idea what romantic attraction would even entail for me, if I were aware of experiencing it as such.

Then I remember that I have no idea what romantic attraction is or feels like other than being told “you know it when you feel it,” and I am certain again that I don’t experience it. If I have no awareness of having a certain feeling, I can’t be experiencing that feeling at all.

I think the “you know it when you feel it” phrase isn’t as accurate as people like to think.

There are definitely times when romantic attraction hits you like running into a brick wall, but it is a complicated feeling since it’s more like a collective of feelings rather than just one. So for some (many?) people there are times where you may get some of those feelings & aren’t sure if it’s enough to be considered romantic or they may not even be as intense as expected & may not even really notice them.

When I’m talking about feelings though I’m basically referring to infatuation since that’s how romantic attraction manifests itself for me & many others. I don’t get the “I wanna date/be in a romantic relationship with you” thoughts at some point like most people do, but that’s because I don’t like how clingy they seem & interpersonal attraction normally doesn’t overlap with it.

I guess the conscious interest in romance with someone is enough for someone to tell they’re being romantically attracted to someone, I’ve seen it personally & don’t really get it myself though, but as far as the “romantic feelings” everyone talks about I’m pretty sure that’s infatuation.

….wow that was rambly.

Filed under romance attraction feelings

4 notes

Aromantic Secrets: Hi.I consider myself aromantic. I have absolutely no conscious...

Hi.

I consider myself aromantic. I have absolutely no conscious interest in relationships (or sex or anything…even real friendship). But I have a weird problem of sorts — sometimes, I’ll develop a “crush” on someone, like a girl in a class I’m taking. I feel typical crushy feelings towards…

I’m in the same exact boat.

I identify as grayromanitc because of it since I still feel like those feelings are romantic in nature, even if it doesn’t lead to any desires such as a relationship. It’s still romantic attraction in my book (& the book of neuroscience if I recall right as the activity in the brain from infatuation is how romantic attraction is recognized or measured).  That’s like saying someone’s asexual because they don’t want to have sex, despite getting turned on by people & every other such reactions that would qualify as sexual attraction. Sure they may not be allosexual, but if you go by the definition of asexuality it doesn’t quite fit. I just don’t think conscious interest is enough to define attraction.

That’s my perspective anyway….

Anyway, just because you have those feelings doesn’t mean you should feel pressured into being in a relationship you don’t want. Do what comes naturally to you, not what people expect you to do. 

Filed under aromantic attraction crush

618 notes

youknowyoureasexual:

(Resubmitting for image description.)
[Image description: Two rows of three, explaining different types of attraction with a small picture to accompany each.TOP ROW:  Sexual Attraction: Sexual attraction is a feeling that sexual people get that causes them to desire sexual contact with a specific other person.Romantic Attraction: Romantic attraction is a feeling that causes people to desire a romantic relationship with a specific other person.Crushes: A crush is a romantic attraction to someone, a desire for a romantic relationship of some kind, a desire that is possibly temporary in nature, possibly never to be acted upon.
BOTTOM ROW:Squishes: A squish is an aromantic crush, a desire for a strong platonic relationship with someone. Sensual Attraction: A desire to do sensual (but not sexual) things with certain people, especially relating to tactile sensuality such as cuddling.Aesthetic Attraction: An attraction to other people that is not connected to a desire to do anything with them, either sexually or romantically. They simply appreciate their appearance.]

Why are romantic attraction & crush listed as 2 different things? Putting aside that they both sound extremely vague & pretty inaccurate for a number of people/cases, it looks like it’s describing the same exact thing. I don’t understand why it’s considered 2 different attractions here.
I also really hate that a squish is described as an “aromatic crush”. It looks like it can easily be interpreted like the attraction is limited to aromantics for one thing…..I used to like this poster, but the more I  look at it the more I feel like I find more problems with it.

youknowyoureasexual:

(Resubmitting for image description.)

[Image description: Two rows of three, explaining different types of attraction with a small picture to accompany each.
TOP ROW:  
Sexual Attraction: Sexual attraction is a feeling that sexual people get that causes them to desire sexual contact with a specific other person.
Romantic Attraction: Romantic attraction is a feeling that causes people to desire a romantic relationship with a specific other person.
Crushes: A crush is a romantic attraction to someone, a desire for a romantic relationship of some kind, a desire that is possibly temporary in nature, possibly never to be acted upon.

BOTTOM ROW:
Squishes: A squish is an aromantic crush, a desire for a strong platonic relationship with someone. 
Sensual Attraction: A desire to do sensual (but not sexual) things with certain people, especially relating to tactile sensuality such as cuddling.
Aesthetic Attraction: An attraction to other people that is not connected to a desire to do anything with them, either sexually or romantically. They simply appreciate their appearance.]

Why are romantic attraction & crush listed as 2 different things? Putting aside that they both sound extremely vague & pretty inaccurate for a number of people/cases, it looks like it’s describing the same exact thing. I don’t understand why it’s considered 2 different attractions here.

I also really hate that a squish is described as an “aromatic crush”. It looks like it can easily be interpreted like the attraction is limited to aromantics for one thing…..I used to like this poster, but the more I  look at it the more I feel like I find more problems with it.

(Source: )

Filed under asexuality attraction aromanitc crush squish submission

10 notes

What does falling in love feel like?

ferrets-are-awesome:

lifeismuismusic:

Falling in Love feels like fireworks have been exploded into the sky, && ur life have been completed, && with that one person u r his\her other life he\she has been searching for. <3

I still don’t get it. Can you compare it to something? Is it like meeting an old friend after years and finding out you’re even better bros then you were before?  

I don’t think it can really be compared with anything.

I mean I can express that, for me, when I’m face to face with someone I have a crush on, I get giddy on the inside like seeing an adorable chubby puppy roll around, nervous-but-excited like I’m going on a roller coarser for the first time & my heart fluttering like I’m having a panic attack….but you can still distinguish the difference between that bundle of comparisons. Even if you roll that altogether, those other things still leave out that one of a kind romantic element. It’s like there’s this….surreal energy that charges it that you feel deep deep down. You become totally captivated, lost in feeling & even intoxicated just by their presence.

There’s really no other way I can describe it.

(Source: furry-furrets, via furry-furrets)

Filed under romantic crush love infatuation heart attraction aromantic

248 notes

Lust, Romance & Attachment: The Science of Love and Whom We Choose

outlawroad:

Dr. Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist, has conducted extensive research using fMRI scans to study the human brain in lust and romantic love. The above link is a video of a lecture she gave in 2010 on her work in this area. 

The reason I want to share this with you is because of how groundbreaking her findings are in connection to nonsexual love and romance (and also, perhaps help people confused about romantic attraction understand what it is, in a way?): Fisher discovered that sexual lust, romantic love, and attachment are three separate and different chemical processes in the brain. While she has framed these as consecutive stages of romantic-sexual pair-bonding, she also acknowledges that each of these brain systems can operate individually, without the other two. This scientific evidence can support the experiences of nonsexual romance and even nonsexual/nonromantic attachment (nonromantic sexual attraction is nothing new to anyone, of course). Her work is proof that sexual attraction and romantic attraction are two separate functions, on a basic neurological level, even when they’re happening at the same time. Because sexual attraction and romantic love are two different neurological processes, there’s an easily available explanation for romantic asexuals, aromantic sexual people, and mixed orientation sexual people, on a scientific level. If the romance system activates when a romantic asexual falls in love but the lust system doesn’t or if the lust system activates in the brain of an aromantic sexual person but the romance system doesn’t, we can thus scientifically confirm these experiences. We should also be able to study the brains of mixed orientation sexual people and see a consistency of the lust system lighting up for one gender (or both genders) and the romance system lighting up for a different gender. Another thing these separate systems/reactions suggest is the potential for a person to feel romantic feelings toward someone that both exist without sexual attraction and that exist contrary to the person’s romantic orientation (ex: a heteromantic heterosexual man developing romantic nonsexual feelings for another man). 

In the future, I would love for scientists to study the brain chemistry of self-identified asexuals and aromantics, both for the purpose of analyzing how romantic asexuals experience romantic attraction in the brain, in the absence of sexual lust, and what goes on in the brains of aromantics who love a person or people in a primary way. Is romance in the brain of an asexual any different than it is in the brain of a romantic-sexual person? If the romance center of the brain and the romance chemicals don’t act up in aromantics, what does love look like in their brains? Do they skip right to the attachment brain system that is responsible for emotional bonding in long-term romantic relationships or is there something different going on? What goes on in the brain of a person who feels intense nonsexual, nonromantic love? How different is that reaction from lust or romance, chemically? What if it isn’t very different at all? 

For a succinct breakdown of the brain science behind the stages, visit the science of love.  

(via outlawroad-deactivated20130412)

Filed under romance brain neuroscience lust sexuality attraction bond chemicals drugs love

31 notes

Brief thought about The Olivia Experiment

metapianycist:

Link to trailer of film (no subtitles available)

It seems as if the premise of the movie is this:

Main character: “I think I’m asexual. I’m going to have sex for the first time, and if I don’t like it, I’m definitely asexual, and if I do like it, I’m definitely not.”

No, main character and/or filmmakers: your argument is invalid. Attraction is not behavior.

Love,

an asexual person who has had and enjoyed sexual activity with other people

Filed under ace asexual attraction behavior film misonception movie pleasure sexuality stereotype trailer orientation queer

48 notes

.F i i S h.: Okay since it keeps happening

voltafiish:

To the lovely people who post in the Ace Tags:

Greetings. I am Fiish and I am a gray-romantic (gray biromantic to be exact) asexual. For shorts: I am asexual.

What this means is that I do not experience sexual attraction!

Being asexual is not:

  • A “get out of drama” free card for relationship…
  • Something you can just “become” when you are having relationship problems

Being asexual is:

  • Simply not experiencing sexual attraction

Asexuality does not:

  • Fix your relationship problems
  • Make your life easier
  • Make u supr kewlll
  • FIX. YOUR. RELATIONSHIP. PROBLEMS.


You cannot “become” asexual just because you are going through things. You can, however, become celibate. Or you could just not focus on relationships. 

Please note that asexual people using these tags may call you out on your shit.

We’re really tired of having our sexual orientation used in this way. 

Please don’t turn it into some magical, fix-it-all cure for relationship drama.

Because it isn’t.

Thank you.

-Fiish

This desperately needs to be reblogged. Over & over again.

(Source: apollyptica)

Filed under asexuality attraction celibacy gsm help love relationships romance sex the more you know identity

24 notes

Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band: guys, i need your help!

aceclingstone:

I got into an argument with my teacher yesterday. It was because he said something along the lines of “asexuality doesn’t exist. Its just some bisexual teenagers who don’t want to admit it.”


I did something I would never usually do, stepped up to him and told him that he wasn’t right. I didn’t…

Also you can mention that there are a number chemicals involved with romantic attraction (like norepinephrine, serotonin & dopamine) & the one that is involved with sexual attraction (as far as I know, its only testosterone) isn’t always, let alone necessarily, present when crushing on someone in some people. I wish I knew which studies supported that. 

Btw, here’s the studies I mentioned before

"Toward a conceptual understanding of Asexuality" by A.F. Bogaert (I think he did another study on asexuals so maybe you could find that too)

 ”Relationship of Serum Testosterone Concentrations to Mate Preferences in Rams” http://www.biolreprod.org/content/67/1/263.full

(Source: lilacpoints)

Filed under asexuality bogaert experiments rams studies attraction

18 notes

Sexuality spectrum

My very first blog entry! Why am I so nervous?  >_>

So I finally decided to put together & share a little something to try to help break down & differentiate the little details that make up human sexuality. I was motivated to do this mainly because of the confusion & misconceptions some people have about asexuality, but it goes on to much more than that (except with it’s relation to romance, that’s a whole other mess I’ll work on).

It isn’t perfect, but I think it covers the basics.

______________________________________________________________

   Some people like to believe that you are either simply gay or straight, that you must have a libido and that feeling dictates your behavior or vice versa. But being the complex beings that we are, we can not be boxed-in in such a simplified way and expect it to be an accurate portrayal of how we function or experience certain aspects of life. The truth is human sexuality is ridiculously complicated (even more more so when taking romantic attraction into account) and may even appear paradoxical on the surface in some people. Because of this, many people struggle with finding their sexual identity or to simply understand their own feelings.

  This little document will distinguish the detailed aspects of sexuality by displaying four distinct categories (sexual attraction, libido, attitude & behavior) & briefly describing said categories as well as a description for some of the terms used at the end of their respective segment. It also explains that while these categories & certain aspects may have some influence over each other, none of them dictate, restrict or are wholly dependent on one another. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  •    Sexual attraction

Instinctively finding an individual sexually appealing, ultimately making you feel or think something along the lines of “I’d tap that”; an individual automatically triggers cognitive sexual interest (sexual desire & intrusive sexual fantasies) and/or a physical sexual response (such as sex drive, sexual arousal or tingling in the genitals) due to their characteristics when sensing or thinking about them

Directional presence of attraction continuum

Testoronic sex——————-All sexes———————Estrogenic sex

 Androsexual                           Bisexual                    Gynosexual

N/A: physical sex of person is irrelevant - pansexual []

Directional absence of attraction continuum

Testoronic sex———————All sexes———————Estrogenic sex

Gynosexual                         Asexual                     Androsexual

Basis continuum

Internal———————Balanced———————-External

       1     2      3      4      5      6      7      8      9      10

N/A: no sexual attraction to individuals - asexual []


Mind-body response continuum 

Mental————————————————————-Bodily

       1      2       3       4       5       6       7       8       9       10

N/A: no sexual attraction to individuals - asexual []


Circumstance/frequency continuum

Never——————-Limited———————-Commonplace 

  Asexual                  Graysexual              Allosexual

Flexibility continuum 

Rigid—————————————————————-Fluid                               

    1     2      3      4      5      6      7      8      9      10


Sexual orientation - enduring pattern of presence or absence of sexual attraction toward individuals (based on feelings since, not behavior or sexual history which can be chosen or driven by other factors); the principles are fundamentally similar if not identical to that of romantic orientation, though it’s possible for both orientations to function independently of each other since they are based on different types of attraction

Androsexual - sexually attracted to people with testosteronic features, not sexually attracted to people with estrogenic features (heterosexuality in females, homosexuality in males)

Gynosexual - sexually attracted to people with estrogenic features, not sexually attracted to testosterone features (heterosexuality in males, homosexuality in females) 

Bisexual - sexually attracted to multiple sexes (may or may not have preference)

Pansexual - sexually attracted to individual regardless of their physical sex 

Asexual - not sexually attracted to members of any sex or gender; still capable of experiencing sexual pleasure, libido & being sexually active, but sexual interest cannot be instinctively directed toward any individual or triggered by their characteristics (just as females are to androsexuals & males to gynosexuals) 

Graysexual - someone whose experience of sexual attraction to others is consistently infrequent, limited to specific circumstances, weak or otherwise ambiguous; direction of attraction is not relevant (ex, andro-graysexual, bi-graysexual, etc)

Allosexual (“Sexual” most commonly used) - someone whose circumstance of experiencing sexual attraction to others is within society’s expectations; direction of attraction is not relevant

Mind-body response - how much experiencing sexual attraction leans more toward a cognitive or physical reaction; may or may not be dissonance 

Internally based - sexual attraction is mainly dependent on individual’s psychological qualities such as personality, mentality, quirks and culturally recognized gender expression

Externally based - sexual attraction is mainly dependent on individual’s physical qualities such as appearance, voice, smell, age and distinguishing characteristics of biological sex

Sexual fluidity - sexual orientation is somewhat prone to change

Sexual rigidity - sexual orientation remains consistent

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  • Libido & body’s general sexual functioning

A general mental and/or physical interest in or craving for sexual activity or sexual stimulation. 

It can exist in people of all sexual orientations as it may or may not be directed toward anyone or anything specifically. Libido and sexual arousal are commonly expected to just be invoked by sensing or thinking about certain individuals mainly due to their characteristics (sexual orientation), but it can by triggered by other things and scenarios such as certain objects (fetish), observing/engaging in certain activity regardless of the individuals involved, stimulation of erogenous zones (even if the touch was never desired or consented) or may act up unexpectedly on it’s own. 

Sex drive frequency continuum

Low—————-Average———————High

[] N/A: Nonlibidoist

Sex drive strength continuum

Weak——————Average—————-Strong

[] N/A: Nonlibidoist

Sex drive influence

Stimuli depedent——————————————-Spontaneous

     1     2     3     4     5     6     7     8     9     10

[] N/A: Nonlibidoist

Sexual motivation continuum

Hyposexual——————-Isosexual—————————Hypersexual

      1     2      3      4      5      6      7      8      9      10


General pleasurablilty from sexual contact (solo)

Unpleasant—————————Satisfied————————-Enjoyable

     1      2      3     4     5      6      7      8      9      10

[] Mixed feelings  [] N/A: Never masturbated

General pleasurablilty from sexual contact (partnered)

Unpleasant—————————Satisfied————————-Enjoyable

1      2      3      4      5      6      7      8      9      10

[] Mixed feelings  [] N/A: No sexual history

Sexual arousal - reflexive reaction to prepare the body for the possibility of sexual contact, such as vaginal lubrication and penile erection; response to or result of certain activity and/or stimulation of erogenous zones, often associated with sex drive

Sex drive - physical craving for sexual stimulation, the bodily counterpart to sexual motivation (though one can exist without the other), often associated with sexual arousal; may or may not be triggered by external influences

Nonlibidoism* - not having a sex drive

Libidoism - having a sex drive, regardless of it’s frequency, strength or circumstance of occurrence 

Sexual motivation - conscious interest in engaging in sexual activity or sexual stimulation, the mental counterpart to sex drive (though one can exist without the other); may be generalized or unconsciously directed 

Hyposexuality (or sexual apathy) - very little to no sexual motivation

Isosexuality - typical amount of sexual motivation 

Hypersexuality - excessive sexual motivation


* Nonlibidoism is sometimes seen as an inherent “side effect” of asexuality, which is not true and may even be potentially harmful to believe. Having a sex drive isn’t necessary to live a healthy, fulfilling life, but in some cases an unexpected change or complete lack of sex drive can be a symptom of a serious medical issue. Even if being a nonlibidoist is not distressing to you, it’s a good idea to see a doctor just to make sure that nothing else is going on.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  • Attitudes

One’s disposition about self or others engaging in sexual behavior. May have as much influence on sexual behavior or celibacy as much as sexual attraction or lack thereof. Not necessarily connected to one’s sexual orientation and is much more subject to change through experience. 

Personally having sex in general

Repulsed————————-Indifferent—————————-Enthusiastic 

[] Mixed feelings

Society having sex

Sex-Negative————————Sex-Neutral————————-Sex-Positive

[] Mixed feelings

                       

Having experimental sex

Timid—————————————————————-Adventurous

   1      2       3       4       5       6       7       8       9       10

Sex-Negative - perceives expression of sexuality/sexual behavior as immoral or something best to be avoided

Sex-Neutral - no strong attitude about other’s expression of sexuality/sexual behavior or otherwise perceieves it as a generally neutral topic

Sex-Positive - perceives expression of sexuality/sexual behavior as something that is potentially positive as long as it is consensual 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  • Behavior 

Choices of engaging in or avoiding sexual activity. Behavior such as frequency of having sex and the physical sex of one’s sexual partners is often heavily influenced by sexual orientation for obvious reasons, but can be driven by a number of other things that does not necessarily negate one’s sexual identity such as:

- attitudes toward sex

- curiosity

- exploring one’s sexuality or comfort zone

- compromising with or pleasing romantic partner

- concealing true feelings

- following one’s own moral code

- survival/pressure

- looking for sexual pleasure disregarding who it’s from


Activity 

Celibate——Low———————————————————High

      []           1     2      3      4      5      6      7      8      9      10


Promiscuity 

Committed——————————————————-Casual  

   1     2      3      4      5      6      7      8      9      10

N/A: doesn’t engage in partnered sexual activity - Celibate []


    Partner’s physical sex
Exclusively male———————————————Exclusively female

N/A: doesn’t engage in partnered sexual activity - Celibate []

Number of partners at a time 

None/Mono/Poly 

Style preference 

Vanilla—————————————————————Kinky 

     1     2      3      4      5      6      7      8      9      10

[] Switch

Submissive———————————————————-Dominant 

    1     2      3      4      5      6      7      8      9      10

[] Switch

Receiver—————————————————————Performer

     1     2      3      4      5      6      7      8      9      10

[] Switch

N/A: doesn’t engage in partnered sexual activity - Celibate []

_____________________________________________________________________

I think I got a little too careless with the behavior aspect (some of it isn’t that relevant & I probably left out somethings worth putting in) but I think this can be overall useful.

So I think I got to everything I wanted to for now.

Anything that should be clarified or tweaked?

Filed under ace asexuality attitude attraction bisexual celibacy continuum desire gray A gyno hypersexuality hyposexuality identity introspection libido pansexual queer questioning sex drive sex-negative sex-positive behavior preferences complex