Posts tagged asexuality
Posts tagged asexuality
Talking about asexual crushes to people off the internet is so unnecessarily hard. I explain how it’s basically how I find every aspect of someone so lovable that I just want to sit on a couch and snuggle with them all day and watch movies with them and hold hands and talk and talk and talk. And then they go: “But what happens after that?”
And I go: “That’s it. Me, a couch, snuggle.” It stumps them. They honestly can not picture that situation not escalating into something sexual, and if it doesn’t, not being disappointed about it or let-down. That snuggling on a couch is literally the high point of my affections is just…alien to them.
And then I get the question: “But what do asexuals do on dates?” like apparently everyone only has sex on their dates, each and every one of them, and by that point I just want to bark: “WE LIGHT OFFERINGS TO SATAN.”
It is weird that so many people apparently can’t find any inherent enjoyment in nonsexual intimacy at all.
Like, I get sex is important & really enjoyable for a lot of people, but is that really the only pleasure you get out of a relationship? Is doing anything else with your partner nothing but a waste of time if it doesn’t end in sex?
And yet we’re the sad ones for being able to totally be content with doing an array of things with people that don’t solely rely on sex……go figure.
And you really should say that satan thing next time someone asks you about dating….you know….just for the hell of it.
Definitely the way Asexuals feel. For me so anyway!
I remember seeing this posted on AVEN. It’s such an excellent way of explaining it, but I don’t think it should be seen as the one-size-fits-all asexual’s perspectives on sex since some of us are capable of enjoying it & for some of us there really is a fear factor to sex. It’s definitely something to communicate one on one with your partner before looking up your own answers to try to describe them.
Also, I don’t think this perspective should be thought of as being exclusive to the asexual community.
Mom: So do you two share cooking duties?
Me: Actually, Idra does most of the cooking.
Mom: Oh! So she’s like the woman?
Mom: And you’re the asexual?
[A screenshot from the Weather Channel’s webite depicting an article called “Could we survive without sex?”]
Okay, so I’m not asexual at all so I can’t exactly relate to or understand the frustration, but I’m pretty certain that this is what people who are asexual are talking about when they say that they feel completely alienated by the expectation that everyone needs sex all the time.
For fuck’s sake, this is the fucking WEATHER CHANNEL.
Just in response to that article……
No, no we couldn’t survive without sex.
I’m a 21 year old who never had sex. I was concerned about this, so I told my gyn about my virginity status after asking me if I was sexually active. He asked me if I planned on having sex any time soon to fix this.
I said no.
He gave me 2 more weeks to live.
Really, HOW IS THIS FUCKING NEWS?!?
I have to present a powerpoint to the GSA explaining asexuality. I already did this last semester & I rehearsed for that one, but still my anxiety kind of got the best of me at one point. I don’t even have time to rehearse for it this semester but at least I know what I’m talking about. I just hope I keep myself more composed this time.
Any tips on calming down while in front of a room full of people?
EDIT: I wanted to say thanks to everyone who gave advice but I can’t seem to reblog their replies for some reason :(
So if you’re reading, thanks you guys
Note to self: find better “thanks” gifs
It’s National Coming Out Day, so I felt like sharing some (hilariously awkward) coming out stories with you guys. (Shorter versions of some of these got published in Asexuality Archive’s “Asexuals on Coming Out: Experiences.”)
The second time I ever came out, it was to my partner (who, at that point, I somehow believed was straight), and I was so freaked out and generally upset that I started crying all over his shirt. I think I said something along the lines of, “There’s something you should know about me… I’m not actually into people…that way,” and he said, “Me neither,” and I got even more nervous than before which apparently made me weirdly belligerent or something? So I started arguing, “NUH-UH, I AM WAY LESS ATTRACTED TO PEOPLE THAN YOU ARE,” and he was all, “No, I don’t think you understand how little I am attracted to people,” and I was like, “DUDE, I AM WAY LESS ATTRACTED TO PEOPLE THAN YOU CAN EVER IMAGINE.” Anyway, after some continued nonsensical dialogue on my part, it came to light that both of us were ace and had somehow believed the other person was straight. There was a lot of hugging and shaking and saying, “WHAT” over and over.
Moral of the story: Uh, don’t argue with your partner about his attractions because you are probably wrong?
Awww that first story made me feel all fuzzy inside :3 I can’t even imagine how excited/happy/relieved they were when it finally hit both of them.
There’s nothing wrong, sexual orientation & sex drive are 2 different things.
Your craving for sexual stimulation can be rampant, but that doesn’t change the fact that nobody invokes it or there’s anyone you’d like to have sex with it because of it if you were asexual.
I dunno, I thought this was made very clear several times by several people including Ace Secrets…I don’t see why people, especially asexuals, still seemed to be so confused about this =/
(Resubmitting for image description.)
[Image description: Two rows of three, explaining different types of attraction with a small picture to accompany each.
Sexual Attraction: Sexual attraction is a feeling that sexual people get that causes them to desire sexual contact with a specific other person.
Romantic Attraction: Romantic attraction is a feeling that causes people to desire a romantic relationship with a specific other person.
Crushes: A crush is a romantic attraction to someone, a desire for a romantic relationship of some kind, a desire that is possibly temporary in nature, possibly never to be acted upon.
Squishes: A squish is an aromantic crush, a desire for a strong platonic relationship with someone.
Sensual Attraction: A desire to do sensual (but not sexual) things with certain people, especially relating to tactile sensuality such as cuddling.
Aesthetic Attraction: An attraction to other people that is not connected to a desire to do anything with them, either sexually or romantically. They simply appreciate their appearance.]
Why are romantic attraction & crush listed as 2 different things? Putting aside that they both sound extremely vague & pretty inaccurate for a number of people/cases, it looks like it’s describing the same exact thing. I don’t understand why it’s considered 2 different attractions here.
I also really hate that a squish is described as an “aromatic crush”. It looks like it can easily be interpreted like the attraction is limited to aromantics for one thing…..I used to like this poster, but the more I look at it the more I feel like I find more problems with it.
experiencing sensual attraction in the absense of sexual attraction
or liking nonsexual skin-to-skin contact for the textures
(or otherwise liking the textures of things like my partner’s skin and hair)
makes me akin to a serial killer
and makes me “a fucking freak”.
Edit: I’m also “(un)fucked in the head” and “too creepy for the internet.”
That awkward moment when anti-ace prejudice is also anti-autistic prejudice.
…..I just don’t get this. As far as I can tell they’re the ones making it sound creepy. If anything they’re the ones who are twisted. I mean really, who else would make a link to that & being homicidal unless you regularly make creepy associations with it for I-don’t-even-want-to-think-about reasons?
I want to know how to say asexual in ASL. Does anyone have any clue?
I know the basic LGBTQ terms but not that one and I’m a bit nervous to ask my teacher.
I don’t think there is one, but that could just be because I’m not part of the Deaf community.
I was thinking that the handshape “a” or “x” (X being in reference to one of the Kinsey experiments) to the chin word work in relation to gays & lesbians using the handshapes “g” & “L”.