PsychoSexual

Only not quite that kind of "psycho" and not quite that kind of "Sexual"

83,590 notes

Anonymous asked: What are the signs of emotional abuse?

the-goddamazon:

mental-health-advice:

Abusive Expectations - Makes impossible demands, requires constant attention, and constantly criticizes.

Aggressing - Name calling, accusing, blames, threatens or gives orders, and often disguised as a judgmental “I know best” or “helping” attitude.

Constant Chaos - Deliberately starts arguments with you or others. May treat you well in front of others, but changes when you’re alone.

Rejecting - Refusing to acknowledge a person’s value, worth or presence. Communicating that he or she is useless or inferior or devaluing his or her thoughts and feelings.

Denying - Denies personal needs (especially when need is greatest) with the intent of causing hurt or as punishment. Uses silent treatment as punishment. Denies certain events happened or things that were said. Denies your perceptions, memory and sanity by disallowing any viewpoints other than their own which causes self-doubt, confusion, and loss of self-esteem.

Degrading - Any behavior that diminishes the identity, worth or dignity of the person such as: name-calling, mocking, teasing, insulting, ridiculing,

Emotional Blackmail - Uses guilt, compassion, or fear to get what he or she wants.

Terrorizing - Inducing intense fear or terror in a person, by threats or coercion.

Invalidation - Attempts to distort your perception of the world by refusing to acknowledge your personal reality. Says that your emotions and perceptions aren’t real and shouldn’t be trusted.

Isolating - Reducing or restricting freedom and normal contact with others.

Corrupting - Convincing a person to accept and engage in illegal activities.

Exploiting - Using a person for advantage or profit.

Minimizing - A less extreme form of denial that trivializes something you’ve expressed as unimportant or inconsequential.

Unpredictable Responses - Gets angry and upset in a situation that would normally not warrant a response. You walk around on eggshells to avoid any unnecessary drama over innocent comments you make. Drastic mood swings and outbursts.

Gaslighting -A form of psychological abuse involving the manipulation of situations or events that cause a person to be confused or to doubt his perceptions and memories. Gaslighting causes victims to constantly second-guess themselves and wonder if they’re losing their minds.

Love, Salem

The last one is a killer and very important.

7,917 notes

sweaterbitches:

healingschemas:

brightstartheory:

Dealing with strong, painful emotions can be overwhelming and even lead to thoughts that your situation is so unfixable that the only way out is suicide. That is NOT true nor the case and every situation is either fixable or something you CAN get through. But when you’re in a high-stress emotional state, we can no longer think logically and do what we can to help ourselves. So the first thing we must do is get ourselves calm down enough to be able to use a coping skill.

* Breathing out longer than you breathe in actually activates your parasympathetic nervous system!

Anxiety is your sympathetic nervous system (“fight or flight”) setting off all the alarms, while breathing like this will set the parasympathetic system (“rest and digest”) into action shutting off the alarms and settling your nerves.

Other things that help: laughing, checking out what’s going on around you (moving head and eyes to orient to your surroundings), getting curious about something. (via notyrqueer)

Note: if you have any medication for anxiety that you are prescribed to take in high stress situations (as opposed to a set time and dosage you do every day on a routine) and you have not reached your maximum prescribed dosage, this might be a good time to take it. But only if you need it.

—-

Once you’ve gotten yourself into a calmer state, we can start to use what’s called our wise mind. Basically we have our emotional mind (which I’m sure we’re all quite familiar with) and our logical or rational mind. Wise mindis the idea that neither one nor the other, but both of these combined is the best way to think about what to do and how to react. If we just used our emotional mind, we’ll get lost in our pain. If we only use our logical mind, we’ll be invalidating our emotions and ignoring that those are important and valid and must be included in how you choose to respond or see a situation. So when you use your wise mind, you can make a more balanced decision.

Learn more about wise mind here, here, and here.

** Once you are able to be a bit more calm and use your wise mind, you should do what you can to ease whatever it is that is upsetting you. First ask yourself, “Is this the right time to deal with this?” For example, do you need to go to sleep soon so you are fully rested? Would doing so disturb others around you (like doing loud activities while others are sleeping)? Would it negatively affect you to do this right now (the person who is angry is still angry and needs space)? If after consider if it really is the right time to do this right now, and you think it is, then it’s time to fix the problem.

Is it homework? Start working on it. Procrastination will only increase the anxiety as it puts more and more pressure on you the less time you have. (Remember to breathe.) Is it chores? Go get them done. Is it a problem with a friend or loved one? If they are open to talking about it at this time, try that. (There could be a whole post on relationship effectiveness but you can find some information here and here.) Is it making some phone calls? Get them done. 

Note: It is entirely okay to ask for help if these things are too overwhelming to do alone. Ask a trusted friend or family member to either sit with you while you make a call, for example, so you can look to them if you need to know what to say or for reassurance that you’re doing okay. Maybe have someone sit near you while you do homework so you know you’re safe. If you can, have someone work through it with you to lessen the load.

—-

† If the problem can’t be fixed right this minute, or it is not the right time to do it, then do what you can to prepare yourself. One way you can do this is through radical acceptance. That means to accept your situation as it is, that you cannot change it right now, and you will have to deal with it. With radical acceptance, you can look at what’s in front of you and really give yourself the ability to problem solve. If you focus too much on what life should be like, or what should have happened instead, or what you or someone else should have done, then you are not looking at the problem in front of you. You are trying to change the past so that it’s not a problem anymore. But the fact is that it is, and it’s upsetting you, so you have to accept that it is happening so that you can do something about it. 

Learn more about radical acceptance here and here.

—-

‡ If there is nothing you can do right now, then it’s time to focus on what we can do, which is to improve the moment and make “right now” better. The way we do this is to use a coping skill. This means choosing to do activities or actions that make you feel better either by soothing yourself through the senses, being kind to yourself, doing something that can affect the mind through the body (like exercise or calming tea), or distracting yourself. There is more to it than that, but for right now, pick through the list below and choose a few that might help you and remember them. (Maybe keep a journal of things that end up helping you so you can refer back to it in a high emotional state.)

  • Listen to music
  • Go for a walk
  • Take a relaxing bath or shower
  • Drink some tea
  • Deep breathing (5 counts in, 5 counts out)
  • Call/text a friend
  • Meditate
  • Stretch
  • Think about something you are grateful for
  • Make a list of things you are grateful for
  • Watch a funny video
  • Eat your favorite snack while savoring the flavors
  • Take a nap
  • Journal (write your thoughts/feelings) …. 
Click here to see the rest of the list.
 
—-
I know sometimes it can feel like coping skills won’t help and that because they’re not fixing the event that originally caused the distress, but remember that you can’t think about how to deal with a situation properly when you are solely in your emotional mind. It cuts off your ability to reason fully. So if you can find a way to make yourself feel better, not only will it make it easier to handle the situation at hand, but you being happy is important. You are important. You really deserve to be happy and nothing is unfixable. There are steps you can take to feel better. You just have to give it a try.
Note: This post and the information and links provided are not a replacement for real, medical treatment. Please do not stop taking your medication or change your dosage without your doctor’s consent or knowledge.
If you are suicidal or thinking about harming yourself please call 911 or call the National Suicidal Hotline at 1-800-273-8255. (U.S. only. To find the suicidal hotline for your country, click here.)

DBT Self-Help Resources: Coping with Extreme Emotions

Tbh this is basically all you learn in rehab and psych wards
And in some cases it’s more…

(via southpawscopic)

Filed under mental health need to check this out more but its late :(

0 notes

Does it really have to be so damn hard to find help for different victims of abuse?

It’s like it always has to turn into some intense battle-of-the-genders or “everyone’s equal, so we must all have the same fight” kind of bull shit.  It’s never just about the victims themselves, no matter who/what they are.

Yeah, there are bigger things coming into play & they do need to be addressed, but is it really necessary, all the time?? We lose sight of these things on an individual basis when we constantly get too caught up in the  bigger picture & different agendas…and unfortunately that’s going to fuck innocent people over. 

Abuse victims simply need help because they’re victims, not because they’re X & the abuser was Y or because this victim (only) makes up this percent of the statistics.

We can’t forget or ignore this, just like we shouldn’t act like there isn’t any cultural issues behind it at all either. 

So…is it really so fucking impossible to find or create resources that actually focus on ALL the victims & be prepared that they all have their own unique challenges to face?? I’m fucking losing my mind over this, I can’t imagine how he must be feeling.

Filed under feminism mra help rant

0 notes

Shit, does anybody know of any hotlines or other such resources in the U.S., particularly New York, that would be helpful for male victims of domestic abuse? Especially ones that aren’t some twisted MRA kind of shit? I really have to do something about this.

Filed under abuse relationships mental health Help

643 notes

selfcareafterrape:

Survivors Speak Out is looking for submissions!
What is Survivors Speak Out? 
Survivors Speak Out is a month long event highlighting voices often not heard within the survivor community. The aim is to make a platform for people to get their voices heard and also to help other marginalized survivors to realize that they are not alone.
What is required to submit?
All submissions must come from marginalized survivors of sexual trauma. 
What does it mean to be a marginalized survivor?
While I couldn’t possibly list all the ways that one could be marginalized, I can name a few.
Survivors of Color, Disabled Survivors, Trans Survivors, Spectrum (Mogii, LGBTPQIA+, whatever your preferred word for the community is) Survivors, Male Survivors, Survivors whose assailants were women, Survivors whose assailants were other children.
and all the lovely intersections and varying identities that come along with it. This is not a checklist or a competition of ‘whose more marginalized’, as long as you fall in a marginalized community SSO will take your submission. 
Can I submit if I’m a non-marginalized Survivor? or if I’m a survivor of non-sexual trauma?
No. This event is specifically for Survivors of Sexual Trauma from marginalized communities.
While SCaR is an open place for all survivors- this particular event is not.
Why marginalized survivors of sexual trauma?
Because these voices are often ignored in favor of experiences that fit a more common narrative. In being ignored thousands of survivors are left feeling confused or like they are the only ones. While all survivors are valid, there are certain issues that some communities of survivors face more than others, as well as some completely unique struggles. Survivor Speaks Out hopes to help address some of the problems that these survivors face.
Who runs Survivors Speak Out?
While SCaR is now home to many mods of many different walks of life, SSO is run by SCaR’s founder Kris.
They are a 21 year old white non-cis disabled queer. 
What kind of Submissions is SSO taking?
This year SSO is taking submissions for these 6  categories:
1. Letter to yourself during the crisis period.
2. Letter to survivors in your marginalized community.
3. Letter to survivors who aren’t in your community. What do you wish we understood? How can we build a better support system for each other?
4. Letters to non-survivors. What do you think they need to know? Maybe you want to write it to a specific non-survivor in your life, maybe you want to write it in general, or to the ones at your school. 
5. Art. Poetry. Drawings. Pictures. Sculptures. Music. Videos. 
6. For the last option- I would like to interview some survivors who have done things in their communities. Maybe you volunteer at a shelter or for RAINN. Maybe you helped put on a domestic violence event at your college. Maybe you fundraised for the cause. Maybe you spoke at Take Back the Night.
When is SSO taking place?
The month of September this year!
When is SSO accepting submissions? How do I submit? Can I do so anonymously?
SSO will begin accepting submissions next week- starting on July 7th. It will continue to accept submissions for the rest of the month of July and for most of August.
All submissions must be in by August 25th.
You can submit either by Submitting to selfcareafterrape or by emailing selfcareafterrape@gmail.com. If you plan on submitting it straight to SCaR make sure you touch base with Kris first.
If you want it to be anonymous- that can be arranged.
Further Questions?
Can be sent to ssoquestions.tumblr.com. Any questions sent to SCaR itself will be deleted unanswered. This is to keep SCaR’s inbox from becoming flooded. The actual SSO will still take place on the main blog.

selfcareafterrape:

Survivors Speak Out is looking for submissions!

What is Survivors Speak Out? 

Survivors Speak Out is a month long event highlighting voices often not heard within the survivor community. The aim is to make a platform for people to get their voices heard and also to help other marginalized survivors to realize that they are not alone.

What is required to submit?

All submissions must come from marginalized survivors of sexual trauma. 

What does it mean to be a marginalized survivor?

While I couldn’t possibly list all the ways that one could be marginalized, I can name a few.

Survivors of Color, Disabled Survivors, Trans Survivors, Spectrum (Mogii, LGBTPQIA+, whatever your preferred word for the community is) Survivors, Male Survivors, Survivors whose assailants were women, Survivors whose assailants were other children.

and all the lovely intersections and varying identities that come along with it. This is not a checklist or a competition of ‘whose more marginalized’, as long as you fall in a marginalized community SSO will take your submission. 

Can I submit if I’m a non-marginalized Survivor? or if I’m a survivor of non-sexual trauma?

No. This event is specifically for Survivors of Sexual Trauma from marginalized communities.

While SCaR is an open place for all survivors- this particular event is not.

Why marginalized survivors of sexual trauma?

Because these voices are often ignored in favor of experiences that fit a more common narrative. In being ignored thousands of survivors are left feeling confused or like they are the only ones. While all survivors are valid, there are certain issues that some communities of survivors face more than others, as well as some completely unique struggles. Survivor Speaks Out hopes to help address some of the problems that these survivors face.

Who runs Survivors Speak Out?

While SCaR is now home to many mods of many different walks of life, SSO is run by SCaR’s founder Kris.

They are a 21 year old white non-cis disabled queer. 

What kind of Submissions is SSO taking?

This year SSO is taking submissions for these 6  categories:

1. Letter to yourself during the crisis period.

2. Letter to survivors in your marginalized community.

3. Letter to survivors who aren’t in your community. What do you wish we understood? How can we build a better support system for each other?

4. Letters to non-survivors. What do you think they need to know? Maybe you want to write it to a specific non-survivor in your life, maybe you want to write it in general, or to the ones at your school. 

5. Art. Poetry. Drawings. Pictures. Sculptures. Music. Videos. 

6. For the last option- I would like to interview some survivors who have done things in their communities. Maybe you volunteer at a shelter or for RAINN. Maybe you helped put on a domestic violence event at your college. Maybe you fundraised for the cause. Maybe you spoke at Take Back the Night.

When is SSO taking place?

The month of September this year!

When is SSO accepting submissions? How do I submit? Can I do so anonymously?

SSO will begin accepting submissions next week- starting on July 7th. It will continue to accept submissions for the rest of the month of July and for most of August.

All submissions must be in by August 25th.

You can submit either by Submitting to selfcareafterrape or by emailing selfcareafterrape@gmail.com. If you plan on submitting it straight to SCaR make sure you touch base with Kris first.

If you want it to be anonymous- that can be arranged.

Further Questions?

Can be sent to ssoquestions.tumblr.com. Any questions sent to SCaR itself will be deleted unanswered. This is to keep SCaR’s inbox from becoming flooded. The actual SSO will still take place on the main blog.

(via abuseresources)

Filed under signal boost

145,293 notes

problackgirl:

we’ve taught girls to romanticise nearly everything a boy does. when i was younger i thought it was cute that boys chased the girl even after she said no. i loved it when after a girl moved away from a kiss, the guy would pull her back and force it on. i thought a guy saying ‘i won’t take a no for an answer’ was passionate and romantic. we’re literally always teaching girls to romanticise abusive traits.

(via emotionalabuseawareness)

6 notes

muirthemne:

Eileen Coughlan

The Captive Princess

The Enchanted Lake

The Hare of Slievebawn

Cliona’s Wave

The Three Drinks

The Fairy Hill

The Pooka

The Emerald Ring

The Kettle’s Song

from The Emerald Ring by Sinéad de Valera

Published 1970